My pragmatic language is not a problem for me. It becomes a problem when society values attention over (and as an assumption of) intent.

In addition to my ability to make consistent eye-contact (despite finding it uncomfortable in certain contexts), i have an impeccable ability to interpret others’ levels of comfortability and attention based on their body language.

For example, i was greeting dogs properly since i was a child; their fear of direct eye-contact/approach and comfortability with indirect eye-contact was always obvious to me based solely on their body language.

I also knew as a child that bees smell fear, so i decided (on my own) to practice being fearless by befriending bees. In middle school i would spend recess sitting alone on the grassy field — surrounded by dwarf daisies, resting bees on my palm — and gently pet their soft furry backs with a single finger.

(As a younger child i had a ways to go; before my bee phase, i got to know a gopher in my front yard over the course of several days, who i assumed i had befriended up until it bit my finger. Ouch.)

My social awareness is not a problem for me. It becomes a problem when society devalues honesty and values saving face over being true to one’s self.

I am empathic and honest. While i have few friends, those relationships i do have are deep and meaningful, and my (occasional) unflinching honesty contributes to that depth and meaning.

My mono-tropic mind-set is not a problem for me. It becomes a problem when society devalues one-track minds.

Perseverating on a single task or topic (while it can be painfully unnecessary at times) allows me to unlock new angles of perception and, thus, devise creative solutions to challenging quandaries.

(I call my perseveration Perseverance Snape.)

My information processing is not a problem for me. It becomes a problem when society values efficiency and speed over quality and intent.

While my brain operates at a slow(er) pace when digesting information, i am able to out-perform my peers based on the quality of my work when properly accommodated. My memory is also exemplary.

My sensory processing is not a problem for me. It becomes a problem when society devalues sensitivity and simplicity.

Bees’ fur and other textures feel unique to me; images endlessly emit novel information the longer i observe them. Despite being challenged by particular textures, sights, and sounds, i derive more pleasure from (physical) sensations than most others, and i can stare at a cereal box like it’s HBO.

My repetitive behavior is not a problem for me. It becomes a problem when society devalues and judges distinct emotional expression.

Stimming brings me relief (in spite of the judgmental looks i get); when i bite my cheeks, or pick my cuticles, or rub my hands together, or rock my body.

My neuro-motor differences are not a problem for me. They become a problem when society both assumes and devalues meaninglessness and unintentionality.

Sometimes i am clumsy and unintentional, moving or speaking without direction and meaning; other-times i am grounded and volitional, moving or speaking with such direction and meaning that i can become experienced in martial arts and form echolalic inside-jokes with my (few) friends.

My literalism is not a problem for me. It might lead to the occasional misunderstanding, but i would bet it more-frequently makes you laugh.

I would bet that my tendency to self-isolate when engaging in artistic activities results in a better product.

That my defiance and re-invention of social norms produces greater inter-personal relationships and challenges the (problematic) status quo.

That my epicaricacy allows me to better voice my needs (and generally enjoy life more). (Hey, you put the bell there…)

That my compulsion to invent/learn new words brings me and others greater knowledge, joy, and spontaneity.

That my trans(itive) thoughts contribute to the complexity of my identity and my ability to be open-minded.

That my bony figure and aversion to food — for all of the judgment and abuse they (have) incite(d) — grant me social privileges. They also make me lithe and spiky (in martial arts, it pays to be lithe and spiky).

But why am i telling you all this?

Because the lay public needs to be exposed to and comprehend the social model of disability, as well as strengths-based perspectives and practices.

And also because when i searched Google for “actually autistic blogs”, these were Google’s suggested queries:

(The above image reads: “actually autistic blogs” in a Google search box; below is a table titled “People also ask”, followed by: “How do i start an autism blog? Can an autistic person become normal? Can an autistic person feel love? What does an autistic person see?”)

“Can an autistic person become normal?”

Really? You use identity-first language, yet you also think i’m Abby Normal?

(For context, the function of Google’s “People also ask” feature is not random; its purpose is to provide users — when they search using uncommon keywords — with alternative queries that incorporate more-commonly used keywords, suggesting that the phrase “become normal” is more-often associated with searches for “autistic” than are the words “actually” and “blogs”. Hmmm.)

I won’t dignify that absurd question up there with an answer. I want to turn it on its head.

Can an autistic person be normal? Can a normal person be autistic?

“Normal”, in an informal context such as this, simply refers to behavior that conforms to a particular set of social norms.

If i’m unable to conform to the social norms of the good-ol’ USA, then explain how i fooled all those people i came aut to who responded with: “You’re autistic!?”, or “I had no idea, that’s incredible!”, and so forth. (I kid.)

But i also don’t, because these responses really are legitimate anecdotal evidence of autists’ “normality”, and it would feel dishonest for me not to call out those hurtful, ignorant, unsupportive responses in a context rife with vulnerability and fear (i.e., when coming aut).

In fact, much of my conformist behavior is automagic (i.e., automatic; or, who i am).

While some of my behavior is certainly intentional (e.g. refraining from calling egg-heads “egg-head” when they’re definitely being an egg-head) (and thence might be considered “foolish”), these intentions still queer and fuck with autism stereotypes thricely by demonstrating my (1) intentionality; (2) “normality“; and (3) awareness and understanding of social norms.

Just like you USA-an meritocratic normals, i don’t mask; i choose to cooperate. But this similarity raises the question: whose masking?

My social aptitude (i.e. my ability to parallel social norms by calibrating my behavior) makes me almost more like you than you, as it were, on account of my not misperceiving common norms due to an (incorrect) assumption made by someone else.

Ever chosen to be a participant in a group of by-standers when bearing witness to a person (or people, or a/n animal/s, etc.) in need of immediate assistance?

Yes? Congratulations! Based on the above theories and data, by doing something totally great that anyone should do anyway, you and i are more normal than normal (somehow?) (and also abnormal, depending on who you ask… because that makes sense).

So i’m autistic and norm-al; now what?

How do i live a “norm-al” life?

According to wikiHow (lol), a normal life is defined as: complex; heterogeneous; and ever-evolving.

Put simply, there is no such thing. There are only opinions.

According to Socrates, the ideal and noble life is one in pursuit of wisdom (through the examination of both one’s own life and the lives of others).

According to Viktor Frankl, to live a human (read: normal) life is to challenge the meaning of life; to pursue alone an understanding of one’s own meaning by way of instinct and passion.

In other words, one’s raison/s d’être make/s one’s life normal; make/s one human.

I invoke the famous French phrase here in both regards. The totality of this text (1) posits the purposes of my passions (i.e., it explains the intentions and functions of my behavior); and (2) proposes that these purposeful passions prove the purpose of my presence on this planet (i.e., it uses the functions of my behavior to rationalize my reason for being; to demonstrate my humanity).

In short, simply by evincing my raisons d’être (as in the preamble of this post), i validate both my “norm-ality” and my humanity as an autistic person.

❁

Thoughts? Leave a comment; start a conversation! Thank you for reading.