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Category: Allism

On the Spectrum of Acceptance and Improvement

On the Spectrum of Acceptance and Improvement

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Discovering as an adult that i am autistic has meant re-framing the cornucopia of my life-long struggles. For example, i have shitty fine-motor skills; i suck at balancing; i sometimes look away in conversation; i bite my cheeks; i have sweaty extremities; i am pained by bright lighting; i repeat things spontaneously. Or, i’m weird; i’m awkward; i’m different; i’m flawed; i’m gifted; i’m wrong; i’m special. The best thing about this discovery? I’ve finally identified a single “cause” for…

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Stimming Freely and Me

Stimming Freely and Me

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Allists tap their fingers, but autists self-stimulate (abbr., stim). Put another way, as autistic author melanie yergeau writes, being diagnosed meant that “my hand and full-body movements became self-stimulatory behaviors”. But everyone stims(!), with contemporary (but nascent) research suggesting that “autism traits” are “distributed normally” throughout the entire human population (as discussed here). Semantics aside, stimming has been “re-claimed” (read: claimed) by actual autists (e.g., #StimFreely) as a means of taking pride in our bodies. This post, then, is meant to…

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The Accountant: Autism and Pencak Silat in Contemporary Media

The Accountant: Autism and Pencak Silat in Contemporary Media

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Content Warning: trauma, bullying, violence, death, micro-aggressions, spoilers I think i’ll take this week to switch things up with a film analysis. While i’ve previously discussed autism in contemporary media twice — the film Mary and Max, here, and the U.S. TV series The Office, here — i’ve not done so in a while, nor at such length. Today i want to explore The Accountant‘s portrayals of autism, disability, and pencak silat (abbr., silat) I saw it in theaters with…

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The Joys of Pinball Brain: Autism And Death Metal

The Joys of Pinball Brain: Autism And Death Metal

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Pinball brain (n.) is a term roughly defined by my friend as “the state and feeling of [one’s] brain being lit up like a pinball machine“. The connotative meaning of this term is (generally) positive, being associated with feelings of cognitive stimulation, joyousness, pleasure, and life. This term enlightened me as to why i have such a particular love for death metal. And why i sometimes abhor my tendency to perseverate. To illustrate the latter, my linear sequencing tendency makes…

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Call Me By My Name/s

Call Me By My Name/s

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My name is joshua. My pronouns are they/them/theirs and joshua.I am neuro-queer and gender-vague. I also have no name; or pronouns; or neuro-type; or gender; and i am no-one. Having a break-down woke me up to the understanding that my identity has been largely shaped by external sources. “My” given birth-name is Joshua, and “my” given nick-name is Josh. “My” given pronouns are he/him, and “my” given “sex/gender” is male/man. And so on. I didn’t choose these things as fundamental…

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What i Joke About When i Joke About Allism

What i Joke About When i Joke About Allism

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On this blog, i have joked about allism a lot, so i thought i’d take some time to identify the ironic undertones at the heart of allism’s etymology and intended purpose. Specifically, i’d like to talk about what’s not being talked about when i joke about allism. When i read out-of-context jokes about allism, they can (sometimes) seem harsh (if only slightly) from an allistic (read: not autistic) perspective. (Wait, aren’t autists supposed to be unable to empathize?) And while…

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A Brief Pause for Raisons D’être

A Brief Pause for Raisons D’être

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My pragmatic language is not a problem for me. It becomes a problem when society values attention over (and as an assumption of) intent. In addition to my ability to make consistent eye-contact (despite finding it uncomfortable in certain contexts), i have an impeccable ability to interpret others’ levels of comfortability and attention based on their body language. For example, i was greeting dogs properly since i was a child; their fear of direct eye-contact/approach and comfortability with indirect eye-contact…

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(Neuro)Queering Medical Rhetoric: The Case Against Autism Functioning Labels

(Neuro)Queering Medical Rhetoric: The Case Against Autism Functioning Labels

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TL;DR appears post-script. First and fore-most, let me say that functioning labels are not formal medical or clinical terms with regard to autism. They are not formally recognized medical conditions them-selves, and the DSM (or what i ironize as “the clinician’s dictionary”) no longer recognizes “low- or high-functioning autism” as official classifications (note that they were actually never diagnoses). This distinction is necessary (in my opinion) when philosophizing about issues of “good and bad” (in this case, whether or not…

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A Movie Changed My Life

A Movie Changed My Life

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Content Warning: trauma, suicide, death, drug use, abandonment, spoilers I have a vivid memory of the first time i watched the 2009 Australian claymation film Mary and Max. I had recently turned 18, and one of my great friends had died suddenly earlier that year from health complications they were unaware of. Mary and Max played on a relatively old CRT-TV in the basement of the house of a friend (whom i didn’t care too much for). I sat watching…

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(Self) Diagnosis and the Paradox of Pathology

(Self) Diagnosis and the Paradox of Pathology

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I used to believe that if i couldn’t understand my-self, perhaps someone more familiar with my experiences could. I still do (to a degree), but now i put more belief in my ability to gain self-awareness and the power that that self-awareness has in helping me find the support i need. Although it may also come from a place of ignorance and/or misguidance, i believe the field of psychology wields diagnostic authority as a means of harnessing and maintaining control…

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