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Tag: trauma

The Martial Autist: On Bullies, Discipline, and Healing

The Martial Autist: On Bullies, Discipline, and Healing

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It hadn’t dawned on me until this week that the reason i’ve been attracted to martial arts most of my life is directly because of my autistic-ness (e.g., my love and need for stimming; routines; structure; etc.). While i waltzed ignorantly into my first experience with martial arts (Kun Khmer), i pursued Pencak Silat (abbr., silat) out of a fascination for its beauty that i could not explain until — seriously — just this week. My fascination for silat came…

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On the Spectrum of Acceptance and Improvement

On the Spectrum of Acceptance and Improvement

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Discovering as an adult that i am autistic has meant re-framing the cornucopia of my life-long struggles. For example, i have shitty fine-motor skills; i suck at balancing; i sometimes look away in conversation; i bite my cheeks; i have sweaty extremities; i am pained by bright lighting; i repeat things spontaneously. Or, i’m weird; i’m awkward; i’m different; i’m flawed; i’m gifted; i’m wrong; i’m special. The best thing about this discovery? I’ve finally identified a single “cause” for…

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The Accountant: Autism and Pencak Silat in Contemporary Media

The Accountant: Autism and Pencak Silat in Contemporary Media

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Content Warning: trauma, bullying, violence, death, micro-aggressions, spoilers I think i’ll take this week to switch things up with a film analysis. While i’ve previously discussed autism in contemporary media twice — the film Mary and Max, here, and the U.S. TV series The Office, here — i’ve not done so in a while, nor at such length. Today i want to explore The Accountant‘s portrayals of autism, disability, and pencak silat (abbr., silat) I saw it in theaters with…

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A Brief Pause for Raisons D’être

A Brief Pause for Raisons D’être

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My pragmatic language is not a problem for me. It becomes a problem when society values attention over (and as an assumption of) intent. In addition to my ability to make consistent eye-contact (despite finding it uncomfortable in certain contexts), i have an impeccable ability to interpret others’ levels of comfortability and attention based on their body language. For example, i was greeting dogs properly since i was a child; their fear of direct eye-contact/approach and comfortability with indirect eye-contact…

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Four Years Later, Disability Is Still Too White

Four Years Later, Disability Is Still Too White

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I am White, non-binary, neuroqueer, and disabled. I believe it is crucial to be transparent as soon as possible about my positionality (where relevant) when discussing intersectional issues related to disability (and always starting with Whiteness to highlight how my White privilege directly and deleteriously impacts the other [already-marginalized] communities i identify with). Whiteness’ vague definition, which has been (and still is) debated throughout history, is insidious in the way it de-identifies it-self with race and affords White people the…

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A Movie Changed My Life

A Movie Changed My Life

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Content Warning: trauma, suicide, death, drug use, abandonment, spoilers I have a vivid memory of the first time i watched the 2009 Australian claymation film Mary and Max. I had recently turned 18, and one of my great friends had died suddenly earlier that year from health complications they were unaware of. Mary and Max played on a relatively old CRT-TV in the basement of the house of a friend (whom i didn’t care too much for). I sat watching…

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ABA: Good Intentions Are Not Good Enough

ABA: Good Intentions Are Not Good Enough

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Content Warning: trauma, forced compliance, gaslighting When i graduated from university with my b.a. in psychology and human sexuality, i had been in school for 19 consecutive years. By that point, and in spite of my valiant effort to avoid burn-out (by taking my higher education slowly), my candle was burnt at both ends from the oppressive “color-within-the-lines” antiquities of the draconian U.S. public school system. (Clearly bitter; i attribute much of my suffering throughout my education to the [dangerous]…

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