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Category: Suicidality

Why i Haven’t Suicided: On Autistic Resilience, Hope, and Potential

Why i Haven’t Suicided: On Autistic Resilience, Hope, and Potential

I wrote my last blog post over a year ago. It was about what it’s like for me to want to suicide every day. A lot has happened for me since then. I graduated with my master’s in social work. Moved back to my hometown, to a house by the beach in the neighborhood i was born in. Got a job near my house where i am earning my LCSW hours. Wrote and delivered a sermon about autism and mental…

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What It’s Like to Want to Suicide Every Day

What It’s Like to Want to Suicide Every Day

I can’t remember the last day that passed without a thought of suicide. I’ve thought about it as long as i can remember. I have suicidal thoughts going back to the single digits (this is not uncommon for autists). Suicidal thoughts are so frequent for me that i often consider carrying a book around to track them, just to know if i ever have days without one. (I haven’t done this for fear that i don’t.) Practically anything can trigger…

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The Working Autist: Sweating and Hyperhidrosis

The Working Autist: Sweating and Hyperhidrosis

Today i’d like to discuss work. And sweat. I have hyperhidrosis. It presents (for me) as excessive sweating on my hands, feet, neck, back, and under-arms. The more i sweat, the more i worry about sweating, and the more i sweat… As you can imagine, this leads to a pretty vicious cycle. It also goes unrecognized by others and is an invisible disability in this way. Showering provides little relief. I am sweating as soon as i step out and…

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A Movie Changed My Life

A Movie Changed My Life

Content Warning: trauma, suicide, death, drug use, abandonment, spoilers I have a vivid memory of the first time i watched the 2009 Australian claymation film Mary and Max. I had recently turned 18, and one of my great friends had died suddenly earlier that year from health complications they were unaware of. Mary and Max played on a relatively old CRT-TV in the basement of the house of a friend (whom i didn’t care too much for). I sat watching…

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