I wrote my last blog post over a year ago.

It was about what it’s like for me to want to suicide every day.

A lot has happened for me since then.

I graduated with my master’s in social work.

Moved back to my hometown, to a house by the beach in the neighborhood i was born in.

Got a job near my house where i am earning my LCSW hours.

Wrote and delivered a sermon about autism and mental health.

And among other things, realized why i haven’t yet suicided.

I guess that means it’s time for another blog post!

I owe the above realization to a client i have been working with.

This young person initially helped me realize what motivated me to quit drugs.

They asked me about my journey quitting drugs, which allowed me to explore and process my thoughts and feelings on the night a movie changed my life.

I always knew the grief from the many losses in my life motivated me to quit using, but what i hadn’t realized was that on that night, i began to understand that i could never be my “best self” on drugs.

From there i realized that my motivation for not suiciding – my resilience – has been my understanding of my potential (or “best self”), and my hope for my capacity to reach that potential.

I believe in my self.

And i believe in every other person’s self as well, which is why i became a therapist.

My client helped me realize not only how i quit drugs and why i haven’t suicided but also why i became a therapist.

I may still want to suicide every day, but at least i am moving forward every day as well and have a job that is (sometimes) awesome and magical.

❁

Thoughts? Leave a comment; start a conversation! Thank you for reading.