Pinball brain (n.) is a term roughly defined by my friend as “the state and feeling of [one’s] brain being lit up like a pinball machine“. The connotative meaning of this term is (generally) positive, being associated with feelings of cognitive stimulation, joyousness, pleasure, and life.

This term enlightened me as to why i have such a particular love for death metal. And why i sometimes abhor my tendency to perseverate.

To illustrate the latter, my linear sequencing tendency makes it difficult for me to quickly coalesce complex/intricate concepts into concise, tangible products (such as these blog posts).

On the other hand, some of the only times i feel alive are when i’m experiencing pinball brain.

For example, since my exposure to this term, i have rediscovered my brain’s love for music, particularly technical and slam death metal.

Music gives me pinball brain in the best way.

One of my earliest and most salient memories of being exposed to heavy metal music in general (and pinball brain) was my introduction to Ozzy Osbourne around age 10.

I don’t think i will ever forget the feeling in my brain — which slapped a fat smile right across my face — when i first heard the crisp distortion and haunting melody of the late Randy Rhodes’ (RIP) intro on Crazy Train.

In case you haven’t realized it yet: THIS WAS A HUGE DEAL FOR ME.

I don’t smile voluntarily (or often). I smile honestly. I smile only when my brain tells me to. So when i say it was my brain that slapped the smile across my face, i mean that quite literally. I could not remove it if i had tried (and believe me, i did, which is for an-other post entirely).

At the time, it felt like the music was causing my reaction (to smile), but now i know it was my brain; it was the feeling.

Unbeknownst to me (until now), i have been chasing that feeling.

Ozzy, Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden… even Anthrax failed to activate my pinball brain after a period of time.

I began listening to the alternative metal (e.g., Linkin Park [RIP Chester]; POD) and hardcore punk (e.g., Aus Rotten; Converge) groups active at this time, whose modern emphasis on groove primed me to appreciate nu metal.

Nu metal introduced me to such groups (many of whom i still listen to) as Slipknot (RIP Paul), Korn, Mudvayne, and Static-X (RIP Wayne).

I was roughly 12 by this time.

But even this sub-sub-sub-genre couldn’t sustain my attention forever… (Despite my ever-lasting love for it.)

From this boredom, through artists such as Converge and Mudvayne, arose an interest in death (and black) metal, a natural next step for me as they cross-together thrash metal and hardcore punk.

I started with the front-runners: Venom, Death (RIP Chuck), Celtic Frost, Morbid Angel, etc.

They were new (to me), heavier, and exciting; alas, my interest waned swiftly.

They weren’t intellectually stimulating enough, in their (lack of) technicality. They lacked a certain degree of dynamism.

Enter progressive death metal.

Actively seeking to expand my musical vocabulary (and, apparently, my experience of pinball brain), i picked out and purchased a CD from Borders (RIP).

It was Still Life, a progressive metal album by the group Opeth. I picked it for its torturous cover art and their thorny, forbidding logo.

With a total of seven tracks, the album boasts an average song length of nearly 9-minutes.

In spite of this, Opeth’s magical ability to blend antithetical styles and soundscapes (all the while contrasting this with varying tempos, keys, and time signatures) keeps their songs engaging, enjoyable, and memorable.

How do they do this? By striking a balance between all the genres they draw influence from: by being both “harsh” and “graceful”.

From here i discovered similar (and even heavier) groups, such as Gojira, Sikth, and Necrophagist.

(Necrophagist always reminds me of a silly time when my allistic father [unsuccessfully] tried to convince me that “anyone could yell like that” and “play music really fast”. I still disagree.)

I also began discovering novel genres such as grindcore, aggrotech, and avant-garde metal.

I was roughly 14 by this time.

Importantly, this genre’s contrasting of technical elements with groovier ones (and vice versa) (hear: Serenity Painted Death) turned me on to the front-running technical death metal groups like Suffocation, Spawn of Possession, and Cynic.

And while these novel acts sated my growing propensity toward technicality, they failed to exceed the expectations of my groove-meter, which had been heretofore set at a great height by the likes of Opeth, Gojira, and others.

Continuing to traverse the vast expanse of technical death metal, i discovered groups such as The Faceless, Obscura, and Protest the Hero, who manage to strike Opeth’s balance of dynamics while keeping songs (generally) around/under five minutes.

I was still about 14 at this time, and between all the metal sub-genres and other avant-garde stylings i had been devouring (e.g., Unexpect; Stolen Babies; Alien Sex Fiend; etc.), i didn’t require a good music re-evaluation until i was about 16.

It was at this time i had grown tired of replaying the technical and avant-garde stylings of The Faceless and Stolen Babies.

But just when i began to consider that i might have reached the end of the road in heaviness, my dear friends introduced me to an obscure, niche, and inherently offensive sub-sub-sub-sub-genre of metal called slam.

As an experienced metal connoisseur, i’ll admit: i listened to Devourment, Short Bus Pile Up, and Cephalotripsy every day for a month and still couldn’t (1) differentiate slam from death metal or (2) appreciate it for any noteworthy element(s).

It wasn’t until one of these same friends played for me this song, in his car in the parking lot of a Chase bank, that i both (1) understood the difference between slam and death metal and (2) fucking loved it.

What a revelation to discover slam, a genre that has become even better adapted to strike the perfect balance between technicality and groove.

(I am actually a part of this slam band with these same friends, having recorded several albums and played live around the country/world numerous times.)

These are some of the sounds that light my brain up like a pinball machine, that give me the energy and feeling of life.

All of a sudden, and for a moment, my entire body becomes the pinball machine. My head bobs, my body rocks, my hands and feet drum, my lips move, voice carries. I am alive.

Since rediscovering my brain’s love for technical and slam death metal, i have begun to put these pieces together: the pieces of music, stimulation, and meaning.

Replaying albums today from Despised Icon, Fleshgod Apocalypse, Psycroptic, etc., i am reminded of one of the reasons i live: to feel the way i feel when i listen to this dynamic, thoughtful, stimulating music, and to chase that feeling; to continue to explore, discover, and expand.

❁

Thoughts? Leave a comment; start a conversation! Thank you for reading.